He came,he saw,and he wasnt happy....this is something which aptly sums up what I have often felt for the college BIT Mesra.Now let me put this straight,I love my college and am really proud of it.Yet there have been quite a few things which have often left me disturbed.In fact my initial days were the most eventful and a pretty strange combination of the extremes;some wonderful experiences and some very forgettable ones.Anyway I will have to agree that lot of this has got to do with me as well.In fact I intend to do a little introspection here,and thus it will be the second consecutive post which is totally spontaneous,straight from the heart(and no rough work)
"You Can Win" mentions attitude as the most important thing for success,but then this is one aspect which can be ur biggest enemy if morphosised in an improper manner.I have realised for long now that I am one really short tempered guy,in fact being a huge self admirer that I am,I feel this is one of my rare bad qualities(but a very significant one).For the last couple of days(in fact within a few hours I have had a few bad experiences where most factors mentioned above were the villains,the temper and certain other things around me,which have always been a disturbing element for me.Yesterday evening, I had a simple quarrel with one of my 'friends',well in this case one of the guys around me which I really really dislike and still things seem so normal between us...hipocricy is such an integral part of the daily routine it seems.So due to the obvious reasons,I was completely unaffected by the turn of the events when things worsened.Using abuses for each other was never a novelty between us,but there things "slightly" went out of control.It started with my "temper" over powering my conscious,when I talked about "tumko to Mumbai mein ghuske maarenge"...there was even a possibilty of things taking an ugly turn when there was an odd remark of Raj Thakre(surprise!!!).Luckily it didnt get out of hand.We are pretty much on talking terms(hypocricy u know),in fact we did some cheating together in our practical exam today :) ...such is life,I didnt get much chance to think over the matter,so having regrets doesnt really come into the equation.Still there is something about me which makes me a frequent participant in such "not so desirable" situations.
The very next day(today) had worse in store.There was a general agreement among the majority about not submitting an assignment today,and I was unfortunate enough not to be aware of it.Being unaware is again something which comes very naturally to me,so no surprises here.So like any average student I took the assignment to the class and was completing the cover page for it.Lady luck played a prank on me and certain seemingly insignificant events subsequently became a source of headache for me.It was when our 'esteemed' teacher walked into the class(why the hell did he have the first period...why the hell did I go early like always).One glance at my assignment,a little curiosity and he had a good look over it,when he eplained that this wasnt what he expects from us.Ok need to clarify that we have 3 common questions(for each of us) and as is expected from good engineers only one had worked on it and rest were expected to copy it down.The fact that our "esteemed" one asked us to make changes had to bring about a sense of frustation as many people had given a couple of precious hours to it.But what surprised me was that some sensible ones thought that it was because of me that the question was changed.As is the usual case,some of the close ones did understand me but then the general opinion formed here is a different thing alltogether.Not that it matters much,but somehow being the 'over emotional' person that I am,such "meaningless" stuff affects me,at times pretty seriously.It was during this episode that another person managed to get onto my nerves.Once again he is someone who doesnt exactly fall in the 'loved ones" category of mine,well he is a friend though...thats life.It was a 'discussion" which lasted a few seconds,but got pretty heated up.Well a certain comment which was on the grounds of 'maar-peet' was slightly over my threshold limit and I had my second proper fight in few hours.
Then there was the incident with a person about whom I had commented yesterday "today is the first time I have seen him angry"and I got to witness the second time just a day later,and being at the receiving end wasnt a pleasing affair.Anyway he happens to be someone I have admired,and like being with(ok this is different),but this altercation was somewhat of a lesser degree and so it had a levelling effect.Anyway feeling nostalgic is something which comes very naturally to me,all this made me go down the memory lane,into the valleys of my first semester when I realised that how powerful the situations can get in a world where people around you are like waiting to get influenced by whatever they get to see,hear or hear that someone else has heard or seen!!The time I have spent here made me aware of a certain peculiar characteristic of mine...statistically speaking,over 80 percent of people I meet garner a wrong first impression of mine...some of my present close friends once had a very very negative impression of mine.Such things are a point to ponder about and often they make me realise something,probably even help me understand myself better.
The Million Doallar Question..Do I change myself?Isnt this getting angry at small things an activity which technically will qualify as a bad habit,and thus needs to be rectified.They say life is a strange teacher,it takes its test first and then gives the lesson.From whatever I have learned from this teacher,I believe there are certain shortcomings in me which actually make me complete,the whole temper thing being one of these.There have been infinite instances where I kept taking pangas,and certain hostilities never add delight to your life.But then it was this "negative" that made me go crazy when a teacher scolded my friend in the class for no genuine reason,to the extent that I argued with him over it.I know out of 120 students in the class,119 wont do such a thing,and it does feel awesome(really couldnt find a more appropriate word for this) in not being in these 119,but then you have to pay price for not being among the majority at times.Another thing is that I dont usually say things I dont mean,and yes even with all the default hypocricy that is a part and parcel of the daily routine.Once I was sent out by a teacher(of course it has happened many times,just dicusing a particular case) when I just went out without saying anything to him.Later several people commented that I should have said sorry.There were certain things which I tried to explain,but maybe it was too "different" for people to accept and in the end it was just regarded as a rude gesture on my part.For someone who was mocked for touching the feet of the worst teacher of the school on teachers day,being disrespectful never came naturally,well it never will,am pretty sure about that.Still you wont find many who will understand you when you are different,as I mentioned the crowd is just too keen on getting influenced by the popular opinion.There have been quite a few similar incidents where I have fought it out for something,and whenver its been for someone else,it has made me believe that the temper-a-mental aspect isnt such a negative after all.
I havent had the best of time during the last 24 hours,things may even get worse in near future,but at the end of the day its all about the choices you make,and the priorities that you decide upon.Self satisfaction is something which has mattered more to me than anything else,there are certain things that complete me,which make me what I am,and I have been proud of it.Sajal wont change,there would be more fights,more grudges,certain tense moments...but few odd ones here and there which mean much more to me....He came,he saw....he wasnt happy....but certainly...made a difference :)