Usually I like watching the sunrise,but that day, it was different.Not because I didnt like it,but because I didnt see it,well not in the literal sense of it actually.I did wake up early,as my habit goes,looked at the morning sky,but this time I didnt "see" the sun rising,I "felt" it.For the non philosophical souls wondering when I will start making sense,I would like to elaborate that I felt a desire,an urge,maybe even a need, of someone bringing a new dawn in my life,maybe someone would rise up in this sparkless unromantic life...maybe!!
The bus was about to leave,we were three people on the seat.One of our friends sat near the window,but I wanted to count us,as just two,she...and me,living at the edge,and sitting at the edge.The journey was to last around quarter of an hour,and it was just the begining of a sweet little day,just the first few minutes of plenty that I would spend with her.Well to sum up,it was just the begining...but then,it was the begining,and I wanted it to be as perfect as possible.I was more nervous than I had been during any of the vivas in my college(bad comparison I know!!),just a little confused as well.It isnt that I didnt try to calm my nerves,afterall it was just a routine outing of some friends,everyone expected it to be just normal,so why couldnt I.Whatever be the reason,the fact is,being normal was not among the options,also "none of these" wasnt there.I could even feel my sense of humour going haywire then,just as the very recollection of those moments is making it happen now.So we had been together for close to ten minutes,the bus journey had started a couple of minutes ago,and,I had uttered exactly a couple of words to her so far.God bless the person who invented the phrase "Good Morning"!!
"You look beautiful", you had to be a fool to expect a dumbo like me,with all the nervousness of the world engulfing me,to say that to her.But this was one of the few 3 word phrases that I wanted to say.Expectedly "good morning" remained my only words for quite some time.Then there was a mention of my SMS in the morning which had remained unanswered,when finally my philosophical self found its own,and I said "its not always a good thing to keep someone waiting".As it commonly happens,my philosophy remained unanswered.Again a generation of silence followed,only constructive things I did then, was to think of as many things to talk about as I could.The weirdo bus was noisy and it was not helping my cause either.Complete solitude was not possible,but at least we could have some silence.My prayers were answered when the bus stopped for filling its energy reserves,motionless meant noiseless,and I had to find my voice then.So what were the things that I could talk about.My favourite TV series had been an indirect recommendation of her,I thought of making a mention of that.After all,it never harms to show the other person that you remember things even remotely related to her.The funny thing was, I couldnt talk about it,as it would bring a third person into the frame,a name which probably would have made her uncomfortable then.For the confused ones,its one of our common friends,who wasnt on talking terms with her then,and who,was directly recommended about my favourite series.With this also went the second topic,which was another one of my favourite serials,again a result of her indirect recommendation.If anything could make her feel even an enigma of ackwardness,I must avoid it,and thats what I did.Of course I had other topics but then the bus,and the noise,had started all over again.So I was back to doing the best thing I could do then,admire her.Let me just give a detailed account of what it is like,when you,want to believe,that the person next to you is the most beautiful person alive!!
It wont be true if I say that I could not remove my eyes off her.The truth is,I felt so shy that I wasnt looking at her much,but I would stil like to believe ,and would appreciate if you also believed, that all the time, I was only looking at her....even when, I wasnt.I wanted to tell her,that in almost three years that I had known her,I never found her so attractive.Among many reasons for my feeling so,was also the obvious one that she indeed looked very very pretty that day.Something was clearly wrong with me,I was noticing things like her ear ring to even her chappal!!..I had never been someone with any sort of taste for these feminine things,but lots was different that day.Again it wont be true if I say that I was falling in love with her,yet the reality is...I wanted to.
I was sitting close to the back door of the bus,the genius angel noticed it,and remarked "hey dont fall down the bus".So far so good...and then she added "dont worry,I wont let you fall".XYZ public will argue that there isnt anything hugely romantic about this comment,but then I was in my own land of dreams and desires.I had my own interpretations and this gentle comment of hers had a romanticism attached to it,which only my heart could have identified then.If she smiled at me,passed a momentarily glance at me,did anything which could be anyway related to my presence next to her,even the smallest of things,it was driving me crazy.I felt an urge to sing 'pehla nasha pehla khumaar' in some filmy location,throwing my cap all over the place.Again sanity prevailed,for a while,and I decided to start some sort of discussion with her.Yes,it was time for an extended conversation now.I already had a topic(in fact many topics) ready,MBA preparations.It was a nice issue,and there was just so much that we could discuss about,as two genuine aspirants of one of the toughest entrance exams.The conversation was a mild success,with exactly one question(by me) and one answer(by her).Here I am,a guy,who wishes to get into the best management college of the country,face the toughest interviews with confidence,struggling to express a routine attraction that I was feeling for a girl...only if that were a routine attraction.It may sound a tad monotonous,but I cant restrain myself from mentioning,again,that she looked lovely,and seemed to be getting lovelier by every minute.The journey was nearing its end,and I finally gathered the courage to face the harsh reality,that I had been an absolute dumbo,maybe even a bore.The irony is,I still loved those moments.
Now,putting things into perspective,and finally getting into the normal mode,I know, all that meant nothing.Yet,it conveyed so much.The Mba talk(of 2 sentences) was the last chat we had during the journey,but I am not complaining now.Some things are better left unsaid,specially when silence can be so beautiful,and so very romantic.Purists may disagree,but I would still like to believe,and would appreciate if you also believed,that I fell in love with her during those moments,during that journy,even if I wasnt in love,just a couple of hours later.Someone once said "we derive greatest of pleasures in the simplest of things",now I know,that the guy must have had a similar trip in his life!!
Story Behind the Story: I am in the middle of reading "anything for you madam" by Tushar Raheja.The book is very much in the Chetan Bhagat mode,yet I am enjoying the romantic aspect of it,which even made me write something myself,on this enigma called romance.Also,not only does this post come straight out of my heart,it also comes out of my imagination.After a narration of train journey,inspired by a true experience,I found a bus journey,a convenient topic...comments and suggestions are most welcome :)