Friday, April 11, 2008

Sajal Is alone...and crying

Blogging is a world where u can freely express yourself,no restrictions,no boundaries.Time to check out the authenticity of the statement I suppose.I had often heard about, and occasionally witnessed people sharing an utmost joy or letting out their extreme bursts of frustation.Well I never did anything of this sort,probably never had such an opportunity.

Today,its different.I am in a really,really(assume a million more reallys) bad mood and wish to let out my anger,my hatred and all my emotions.Here is the world of blogging,totally unbarred and I wish to utilise the previlege.I am afraid I cant discuss about the reasons behind me being in this mood,all I want is to pour out some of the emotions which are threatening to rip me apart.Probably,the reason isnt that big or significant anyway,but as it happens,many things are contributing in their own small ways to make these moments really miserable for me.

Its the 11th of April,in fact 12th is about to arrive as i pen down these lines.The month of May is not far and I somehow,constantly get reminded of the May-07: some of the worst days of my life,with the most difficult I had to face.Its said that man has the ability to bear anything and everything,but the lesson May07 taught me was that this pain,at times can cross the limit of tolerance.The present issue isnt that big and I may very well get over all this very soon,which is nothing in comparison to the memories which for some strange reason,are trying to forge a link with the moments am living,at this moment.

I want to hate some people I have loved more than most things.One moment,I want to cry,shout at someone in superior tone,the other.Probably what is most disturbing is the fact that I am 'actually' feeling a sort of rage towards a few people,with not much of a fault of theirs.As I said,too many things contribute in their own small ways to make the matters worse.Few bonds which have been pillars of my existence,my overall happiness, seem quite meaningless,sort of worthless.Its like am hating loneliness,and begging that everyone left me alone.Obviously there are a few logics guiding my behaviour.I feel let down,unimportant,insignificant..(again...u can assume a million such phrases here).

Maybe,its just a matter of few hours when things will actually improve with a bunch of bloody explanations coming to the rescue.But the effect of all this is threatening to leave a long lasting mark somewhere.An irony is that the main reason behind the trauma of May-07 is the lone comforting factor in this depressing night.Few minutes of conversation with someone, actually are imparting the desired strength to withstand the worst of the worst.All in all,the lanes of memory seem more like a black hole...threatening to pull me into a void I fear to enter,I really do...

To summarise...Sajal is very depressed,really angry,too disturbed,highly frustated....but above all....very lonely,very sad....

6 comments:

k'sonal_theknowlegend said...

i don't think levin a commnt here will mean nething bt
yaar i second u here..........

k'sonal_theknowlegend said...

it realy is a pain for a guide(like u) to need one for himself...

MJ-Nothing is impossible coz impossible itself says:"I M POSSIBLE" said...

i know what are you referring to in this mail.i am really sorry for all this take a part in your blog.please forgive me.

PYAASA SAJAL said...

@sonal....thanks for ur words...they really served as a souce of courage :)

@ mk .... matter has already been sorted out...and am pretty much ok with everything now...so there is no need for a sorry here....just chill dude :)....(vaise am being reminded of ur own words in ur typical style:" galti karke sorry bolne se mara hua insaan jee thode jaata hai"....) :D
on a serious note am fine and hold no grudges against anyone :)

blogging actually did help..I didnt display my frustation in front of anyone as my blog already had served the purpose....also the fact that i had a pretty cool lab exam of a subject I hardly knew,improved my mood.......
and now...Sajal is a happy man gain :)

PD said...

क्या बात है भाई? बहुत दिनों से कुछ लिखे नहीं हो??

PYAASA SAJAL said...

haan bhaiyaa...aajkal ekdum suti hai,vacations mein inspiration nahi mil raha...
but i wil surely get back to my writing habits soon :)