Monday, June 8, 2009

Fake Bollywood Actor

I believe, the intersection of the sets of IPL fans and Bollywood fans is a considerably large set,and so I preassume, this post will have its fair share of audience .There have been ample questions raised about the identity of the fake IPL player,and I wont be dwelling upon it henceforth,at least for the time being. The intent is to contemplate regarding the efects it has had...and discuss another weird possibilty. What if a similar fakie crops up during the shooting of a bollywood movie,comes up with a similar blog...a Fake Bollywood Actor.

So what are the options for a fake bollywood actor.After all, the players do get a chance to spend a lot of time together,outside the grounds,but same is not true for actors outside the studios(read foreign locales)..the exceptions are there,but in general,movie stars arent spending days and nights with each
other.Yet,when some project,gets shifted to a location like,say,South Africa,due to the lack of aesthetic value in India's tourist places(which somehow help the tourism industry to contribute significantly to our GDP) an opportuniy arises for our fakie.Here,our fakie,who is confident,that he is a good for nothing
piece of nonsense in the world of cinema,decides to look for an alternative.The world of Blogging welcomes him,just like an unregulated economy welcomes recession,with open arms.People around the world are greeted to certain secrets(which was never of any help anyway),a plethora of nicknames and ample amount of humour.The bottomline is,the world enjoys the piece of nonsense...because...the world,enjoys it!!
Time to pick up certain arbitrary nicknames..Ab bhi shake Bachan will be talked about in derogatory tone,making fun of one of his weird habits(refer his nick).With due disrespect,the credit for this habit may befall upon Mrs. Aishkarwa Rahe Bachan.With her,you get a chance to discuss about her past lovers
(also her last lovers),Vivek Ab Roye and DKD,nicknaming him upon the only thing which brings a certain amount of fame to him nowadays.A talk about how Vivek Ab Roye has become even more desperate to get a role,and how DKD has been strung up in his 37th (bollywd) affair should give some masala.

With Ab bhi Shake Bachan,also comes an opportunity to discuss about his talented dad,Shehenshah of the bollywood,and with it you have a chance to vent out your crappy thoughts over who the biggest superstar of the Bollywood is.On the one hand you have "sehen-shah",the tolerant old man,while on the other,you have the "bad-shah",the charming and the proudy one.A couple of "inside news" about someone calling the other a dog,mouse,cat,buffalo etc etc (in a blog or outside it) should satisfy the inexplicable hunt for controversies, of our society.Katrina Kaif being called Foren Babe(remember foren babas??) while some one like Priety already has been baptized as Bubbly.But not everyone is seen with an eye of disrespect,and Priness Of Kolkata(Rani Mukherji) happens to have the fakie in her list of admirers . Surprisingly,the presence of just a couple of these big names are enough to come up with excuses to talk about all of them,again,masala is never in dearth,when it comes to Bollywood.Some other nicknames:
Tirchhi Topi - the legendary singer with the cap,who never irritated a soul with his singing
Xerox Machine - the great music director Pritam da...for the obvious reasons..
Miss Maggie - Kangana Ranaut,with the attractive hair style...not my fault if the fakie finds it weird!!
Dancing Dasher - Hritik we know it isnt always being disrespectful in the nicknames
Hawa ka jhonka - The guy who has written more songs than anybody in Bollywood...however pathetic most of them may be :)
Issues Discussed..Questions raised...blaah blaah blaaah... :

India,they say,is a country strongly driven by Bollywood.Its more than a mere industry,its a culure,a religion.For many,it is said that,maa and cinemaa are their first words.If only,Bollywood is observed from a different vantage point,will the prestige still remain intact?? This line has a lot of name,fame,even
shame,but all because it has a lot of money.With agencies like Underworld and Mafia,religiously contributing to the cause of Indian cinema,money matters are hardly a matter of concern.And if you can make a couple of films on general goodness of mankind and the ways the goons of today,are the ones who suffered yesterday,then the movies are all the more likely to be allotted huge funds.Of course with such stalwarts enetring the fray,a few complexities arise.Few of the transactions can go haywire,where big names like Chota Sajan,Daood Beraham end up being vexed and unsatisfied.Also when your girlfriends are either not getting movies,or they are ruining the chances by the sheer absence of talent and abilities,it leaves you all the more frustated.As you know such unregulated economies,have their share of advantage,but a crisis is never too far.A talk about a couple of deals being finalised,"contracts" being signed by various such "companys",will find ample space in our coveted Bollywood Fake Blog.
What about the awards,for all the hard work,people put in for days and nights.If Hollywood has an Oscar,here we have Film-unfairs,Zee Cine,Screen,and several other useless ones.To complement these names,we also have something called National Awards(wonder what others are).We have guys like our dearest Dildo,or the Bad-shah of bollywood dominating such award giving ceremonies,while the ones like Mr. Pervertionist not accepting the awards.An insider can always disclose information about how some of these awards were transacted.Intelligent audience often figures out which of the awards have been bought,so certain details and additional monetary facts and figures could be provided by our esteemed fake one.
Casting couch happens to be another by product of this cinema culture,for good or bad,one cant say with definite accuracy.The opinions,usually,are divided upon this issue of national interest,but the thing to be noted, is the national interest in this topic.Guys like Fuckty Kapoor assumed a legendary status
after being involved in such controversies,and no one can negate the well known fact that there are many names,big and small,actively participating in this act.Even the secret cameras have been quiet for quite some time,so our fake actor can assume the responsibilty to discuss,at length,about any such act of
favouritism on grounds of sexual favour,that the fake one observes,and brings to the notice of everyone concerned.
Apart from above mentioned points,there are other issues to be addressed.With new affairs starting and ending everyday,people locking lips and denying it,people marrying and remarrying often,and to add to this,buying teams and players,the responsibilty and the task on hand is daunting.While there are pairs
like Sexy Basu and Dostana Abraham, which stand the stiff tests of time and situations,there are others like Bacha Kapoor and Aunty Kapoor's pair,which are blown to pieces when caught kissing in public.Here we arrive at another important point,the Fake Bollywood actor must regularly discuss any act of Public
(even private) display of affection by the celebrities,that he observes on sets or otherwise.With fake mms arriving in the market with alarming regularity,the genuinity(or the lack of them) can often be known by such a Fake one,which will make the public aware of the realities.Of course,like any other field,the Entertainment Industry must have its fair share of unfair and dirty politics,the mathematics of hit and flop involving the use of complex numbers and certain prime numbers....The issues are actually endless.
Be it Bollywood,be it cricket,a lot of its realities can be brought out in the open,only if you are a fake one.A lot of his talks will sound like utter crap,some actually will be,insulting and even offending nicknames coupled with certain harsh realities.Often it takes a lot of courage to say the truth,and sometimes, it takes...a fake identity.Remember,behind every fake,there is an original!!


डुबेजी said...

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ABHISHEK SiM said...

hahahaha - too witty.. roflmao!